#1 Just have to get this off my heart... I HATE it when my computer crashes half way through a blog!
#2 Now I can continue...
So today after work I detoured from my route home and stopped at my grandsonB entley's home to drop off a bottle warmer. It is always wonderful to have the door open and see my daughter-in-law holding my little granddaughter - who smiles at me - and my grandson seeing me, smiling and saying, 'hi oma!' It makes my heart warm.
So I walk in the door, plop down on the floor with Bentley and start looking at all the important things in his life. First we look at the Christmas tree that him and his mom decorated. Then out comes the container of pretend food. I enjoy a cup of coffee/soda pop and a rather crunchy plastic grape. I start to eat out of the fruit cocktail container with the plastic fork but am quickly reminded by Bentley that I need a spoon - not a fork - to do that correctly. So after stuffing myself full - we proceed to the smelly markers and quickly draw a Christmas tree with the necessary 'hockey' (Winnipeg Jets) ornament. I also draw a red star on top. Mom tells her little boy that Oma has incorrectly coloured the star red - stars should be yellow. Good job mom - use all the teachable moments you can!!
Now comes the time for me to meet his friendly stuffed animals and he grabs his bunny and dog and brings them to me. "This is bunny and this is Pot," he says with a smile. I smile back and say, "I really like bunny and Pot." He looks at me rather funny and says, "No. Pot." And I smile back and say, "yes, I like Pot." (anyone walking in on this conversation is really wondering about this gramma figure!) At this point he is looking at me and thinking [Why is she sooo old?] and says, "No. Pot." By now I am watching his mouth movement very carefully and am sure that he is calling his dog, Pot. So I slowly and deliberately say, "Pot?"
Now he is also thinking, [oma is not very bright]. Bennie's mom is laughing on the couch. I look over at her and say, "I am saying exactly what he is saying, am I not? Pot?" She says, "I am enjoying this too much! Hahahaha! The dog's name is Spot." OOHHHH - Spot! I missed the S!
On my way home I was thinking about this little conversation and wondered how many times God tries to explain something to me and I just don't get it. Is it because i am not listening? Or is it because I don't understand? Or a combination? How many times did Jesus' disciples wonder what Jesus was talking about? How many times did Jesus look at them and wonder, 'why are you so dumb?' haha! I'm sure Jesus never really thought that... did he? But regardless, how many times does God try to tell/show me something and I just either don't see it or don't understand it.
Lately, we have been looking at houses... we have looked and looked and looked. Each time we get ready to make an offer we are either too late, too low, or the house decides to go off the market or our realtor gets sick (we love our realtor and are glad he is feeling better!). But I start to wonder if I am not listening and God is trying to tell me something. OR is He telling me to look but be patient. Or, or, or.
Many times I have wondered what God is trying to tell me. Then I wonder if He is trying to tell me anything at all. Then I ask him what it is he is trying to tell me - if anything at all. I wonder if his angels are all giggling like Bentley's mom - thinking that some of this is really quite funny. I wonder if God is looking at me like Bentley looked at me - wondering why I am not getting it.
I believe that Bentley was a little frustrated that I couldn't get his dog's name right. But I think he would have been sad if I didn't even ask about his dog at all. And he was happy when I finally figured out that his dog's name was Spot.
Well, I know that I will continue to wonder at times where God is leading and what he is asking of me. I also know that sometimes I will get it right and will hear God's leading.
I think that at those times the Angels will cheer and God will smile. I also believe that I would rather keep asking, "what are you trying to tell me? I don't get it, please show me," than to just forget it and not wonder. God is patient and He would rather listen to my questions than to not hear me talk with him at all.
May I never stop trying to listen. May I never stop asking questions and talking to God. May I sometimes figure it out. May the angels keep laughing. May God smile as we try to figure it all out!