I don't know what it is about holidays, but it always takes me a while to get back into a normal groove. It amazes me that it takes about oh, let's say, 1 hour to get into holiday mode. I have no problem adapting to sleeping in a little longer, wearing my sweats well into the late morning, no make-up, not thinking about work AT ALL! But when I come off holidays it takes about oh, let's say 1 week to get back into work mode. Then during that week I get all nostalgic about the holiday that I had and wish I had done this or wish I had done that. And then I start to get sad about how long it will be until the next holiday. This is not healthy nor is it helpful as my husband looks at me meandering around the house of mass destruction wearing my back-to-work clothes and sees that there is not even one part of me preparing to paint or sweep or wipe or do anything of any value whatsoever!
So I gently break it to him that I really have no intention of doing anything remotely remodelling worthy in the house. I tell him that I need to go buy that flooring for the two basement rooms. He asks 'what' the rush?' I tell him that I don't know if it will stay that price for long (I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA - and it wasn't like it was on sale - it was just that price!). Then I tell him I also have to pick up, 'ummm, some cleaner for bathroom, and that thing, that ummm, scraper thing and, ummm...' I continue to dig a hole and say, 'well, it is already after 7 so I don't really have time to get out that oil-based rookie mistake primer and start priming the doors and trim for basement rooms.' He looks at me with that one eyebrow raised look. I then say (the hole is getting quite deep now), 'yeah, I'm not really feeling very good.' He says, 'oh, so this has nothing to do with not being able to get the painting done - you just don't want to.' I smirk and admit my shortcoming. And yes, he still loves me! And yes, I left to buy flooring at 1.69 sq foot from Rona.
So why am I sharing this? I think because it follows closely behind the conversation my sister, mom and I had on Monday. We were working at the house (I know - shocking hey?) and for whatever reason we talked about the Mother of the Year Award and decided that not one of us would get it. We had all screwed up at some point or another in this 'mother' thing. We decided that none of us had perfected this 'mom' thing and that our kids would be the first to back us up on that! We laughed about it and went back to cleaning, painting, chatting.
We screw up. We do. I made up all kinds of 'excuses' to get out of working. I just didn't want to work - at all! I've screwed up by being a hypocrite to my children - telling them one thing and doing the other. I've screwed up at work; typed the wrong thing, said the wrong thing. I've screwed up as a daughter, a sister, a friend. I've lied. I've cheated. I've said mean things. I've been selfish.I've forgotten to look beyond myself.
I had a cool experience on Facebook the other day. Bernie and I listened to an audio book on our trip last June and we really enjoyed it. I still share stories from it when I can. The author's name is Peter Allison and I found his Facebook page. The book we listened to is, Whatever You Do, Don't Run (http://www.amazon.ca/Whatever-You-Do-Dont-Run/dp/0762745657). I private messaged him and told him how much I had enjoyed his book. I loved the way he respected animals and Africa and I loved the way he recognized his foibles and his shortcomings and shared those things - and some were remarkably embarressing!! I loved the vulnerability of his stories. (by the way, he messaged me back within minutes thanking me and we had a few back and forth comments - quite cool!!)
Sharing when we are wrong and when we screw up is not always easy - but it is healthy. I wouldn't go so far as to have pity parties and try and one-up each other on who is worse and who screwed up more - that is not the idea here. But the idea of becoming vulnerable with each other and admitting when we are wrong - no excuses, no reasons why - just simply stating that we were wrong is massive. When we can share some of our oops' and share our apologies we just might start to find healing. Peter Allison talks about his immaturity when he started being a Safari Guide and it got him into all kinds of messes. But how great is that for kids to hear - for adults to hear - we screw up.
Last night I felt guilty after I left the house to get flooring. And I don't know about you but when I feel guilty about one thing, more often than not all the guilt I feel about everything plummets into that dark space and I question everything about who I am and why do I keep doing it and on and on. (I know... all because of one evening of no painting!) But I have to remember that we will make mistakes and as I said in an earlier blog, God will redirect us, take our mistake and use it to make us better people and put us on a road that hopefully leads us to help others through their mistakes and goof ups.
Bernie started something a number of weeks back. He started a group with his kids and myself where he shares BIble verses. This isn't a group to chat in, just to receive these beautiful nuggets of wisdom and truth. Last night one of the verses he shared was from 1 Peter 5 verse 7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." My guess is that we can also cast our screw-ups on Him because he cares for us. Wow. What comfort is that.
OH yeah... for supper on the deck under a few light raindrops, we ate: baked ham, ground beef stew, buns and hacked off pieces of cheese (we don't have a knife for cheese). Suppers have become an interesting array of whatever is left behind and whatever new things mom makes for us. The best part? I didn't have to cook it and we always eat supper together, with whomever is working at the house at that time, out on the deck - rain or shine! Gotta love it!